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About This Quiz
Is it really possible to love more than one person? People who practice polyamory think so. Find out how much you know about relationships that break the monogamy barrier.
What is polyamory?
Having multiple romantic relationships without your partner's knowledge and consent
Having multiple romantic relationships with your partner's knowledge and consent
Having multiple random sexual encounters with or without your partner's knowledge
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You may have been able to guess this one from the roots of the word polyamory. "Poly" means many, and "amory" refers to love, so polyamory is the state of having multiple romantic relationships. Honesty is a core tenet of polyamory, so all of a polyamorist's lovers know about each other.
It doesn't, really. The word polyamory just sounds nicer and doesn't have the same stigma as swinging.
Polyamory is more about emotional relationships rather than recreational sex.
Polyamory requires that you notify your partner about your intentions, whereas swinging requires secrecy.
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While some polyamorists may enjoy recreational sex like swingers do, the polyamory lifestyle is more about numerous romantic relationships than about lots of random sex partners.
Wait, multiple romantic relationships? Don't people get jealous when their significant other falls in love with someone else?
Yes, but they find ways to work through it.
No, most polyamorists claim to never feel jealousy.
Sometimes, but they probably won't admit it, because jealousy is a sign of weakness in the polyamory community.
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Polyamorists aren't immune to jealousy, but they see it as an obstacle to be overcome. Often, when a polyamorous person feels jealous about something a partner is doing, they'll talk with their partner about how they're feeling and figure out how the emotion can be addressed.
Nope, polyamorists believe that cheating implies dishonesty and sneaking around, and they remain upfront about what they're doing and with whom.
Yes, studies indicate that polyamorists are sex addicts that can't handle monogamy.
Maybe, but I'm not going to question it as long as I can get what I want.
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Polyamorists definitely aren't sex addicts -- they simply believe that monogamy doesn't work. Rather than keeping secrets and sneaking around, they work out a system of rules and boundaries with their partners, so that everyone can get their needs met without damaging a relationship.
A married couple in which both the man and the woman have other secondary relationships
A quad, in which two couples swap partners for companionship and sex
There is no typical polyamorous set-up.
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There are about as many different ways to be polyamorous as there are people who are polyamorous. There's no limit on how many people might be involved or what level of commitment they might have with various partners.
There's a lot of talking in polyamorous relationships -- so anyone interested in this type of lifestyle has to be ready to communicate, communicate, communicate.
A word used by polyamorists to describe a particular kind of sexual jealousy
A word used by polyamorists to describe overcoming jealousy and feeling satisfaction that another person has made your partner happy
A word used by polyamorists to describe a housing situation in which four or more people live together
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In polyamory lingo, compersion is the opposite of jealousy. Rather than being upset that someone you love has found love with someone else, you're happy that he or she is happy.
Which community does polyamory most closely resemble?
Mormon fundamentalist polygamy
Oneida commune from the 1840s
Reverend Sun Myung Moon's Unification Church
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Polyamory doesn't much resemble polygamy, in which one man takes on many wives. The genders have equal opportunity in polyamory, and the practice most closely resembles the Oneida commune in upstate New York. In this commune, Yale theologian John Humphrey Noyes proclaimed everyone was married to everyone else.
A potential new boyfriend presents you -- a polyamorous female -- a spreadsheet of all his past sexual partners, including descriptions of sexual acts performed and whether condoms were used. What is your reaction?
Disgust. You don't want to know all these things about a potential new partner's past.
Concern. Could this person ever truly care for you when he's been with so many people in the past?
Happiness. You expect such a spreadsheet from all of your potential partners, so now that you have this information, the relationship can move forward.
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When you're having sex with multiple people, STDs are a concern. Many polyamorous people require their partners to disclose their entire sexual histories and to get tested for STDs regularly.
Having one main partner who receives the majority of your time and attention, combined with other partners who receive less time and attention
A couple in which one person is polyamorous and the other is monogamous
A group marriage in which the bonds between all partners is relatively equal
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Some people have one main relationship, or a primary partner, and maintain other secondary or tertiary partners on the side. Some polyamorists don't believe in this type of system, in which partners are ranked, but for some people, it's a useful way to organize time and attention.
What do most polyamorists say takes up a good deal of their time?
Defending their lifestyle to family and friends
Scheduling activities and time with their partners
Cooking dinner for so many people
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Open up your calendar, everyone -- most polyamorists say the key to relationship success is scheduling to ensure that everyone feels satisfied in their unions.
A complicated sexual position practiced by many polyamorists
An underground social club where polyamorists meet each other
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A vee is a kind of relationship between three people, in which one person sees two other people, but those two people aren't involved with each other. The person seeing both people is the hinge of the vee.
Why is the case of April Divilbiss important to polyamorists?
The case involved the legality of marrying multiple people.
The case involved how assets must be divided when a polyamorous family splits up.
The case involved the custody of a child belonging to a polyamorous mother.
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In 1999, the minor child of April Divilbiss was removed from her custody by a judge due to the mother's polyamorous lifestyle. Though child advocates deemed the child's home to be healthy and happy, the judge spoke publicly about disagreeing with the polyamorous lifestyle. For this reason, many polyamorists with children don't speak about their lifestyle in public.
Does having parents who practice polyamory harm children?
Yes, children of polyamorous parents are less secure about their living situation.
No, children of polyamorous parents are too busy with their own lives to notice what their parents do.
There is no definitive research about the long-term effects of polyamory on children.
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A researcher at Georgia State University is studying polyamory's effects on children. So far, her research indicates that polyamory doesn't harm or influence the children's future behavior in any way. In fact, it may turn out to be beneficial, as children have multiple adults in their lives who can help them as they grow.
What happens if you don't like one of your partner's new romantic interests?
You'll probably have to break up with the partner.
You should ignore the feeling and pretend to be happy for your partner.
If you really don't think you can get along with the person, you can exercise veto power over the relationship.
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Most polyamorous relationships have the option of veto power if one partner doesn't like a prospective new partner. Veto power isn't to be exercised lightly, or due to reasons of jealousy or petty envy. Rather, polyamorists believe it should be used when there's a genuine issue with the person in question.
Polyamorous people may get married, but only to one other person (and only to a person of the opposite gender, depending on location). However, many polyamorous people consider themselves married to all of their partners. Currently, polyamorous people aren't pushing for marriage rights.