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Who Said It: 'The Sopranos' Quotes Quiz
by Staff
"The Sopranos" is a highly quotable show, but about 90 percent of it isn't fit for publication. We did a little digging, though, and found some fairly family-friendly quotes. See if you can guess which character said each line.

"I don't just hate this man. I hate all men."

  • Artie Bucco
  • Carmela Soprano
  • Jennifer Melfi

"I think you have this M.O. where you manipulate spiritually thirsty women, and I think a lot of it is tied up with food somehow, as well as the sexual tension game."

  • Christopher Moltisanti
  • Carmela Soprano
  • Rosalie Aprile

"I got dosed with acid once, back in '68. I was with your dad and them at the Copa … I look over. Your Uncle June's got laser beams shootin' out his eyes!"

  • Carmine Lupertazzi
  • Phil Leotardo
  • Paulie Walnuts

"Why was I born handsome instead of rich?"

  • Silvio Dante
  • Christopher Moltisanti
  • Ralph Cifaretto

"You heard about the Chinese godfather? He made them an offer they couldn't understand."

  • Uncle Junior
  • Paulie Walnuts
  • Christopher Moltisanti

"There's no scraps in my scrapbook."

  • Carmine Lupertazzi
  • Johnny Sacrimoni
  • Phil Leotardo

"Acting is mostly feelings unless the actor's driving a car or sword fighting or something."

  • Paulie Walnuts
  • Christopher Moltisanti
  • Adriana La Cerva

"Bush let al-Qaida escape in the mountains? Then he has us invade some other country?"

  • Tony Soprano
  • A. J. Soprano
  • Silvio Dante

"You're not gonna believe this. The guy killed 16 Czechoslovakians. He was an interior decorator."

  • Paulie Walnuts
  • Christopher Moltisanti
  • Tony Blundetto

"They used to call me Ichabod Crane."

  • Uncle Junior
  • Tony Blundetto
  • Bobby Baccalieri

"The highway was jammed with broken heroes on a last-chance power drive."

  • Ralph Cifaretto
  • Silvio Dante
  • Christopher Moltisanti

"A wrong decision is better than indecision."

  • Johnny Sacrimoni
  • Jennifer Melfi
  • Tony Soprano

"I hear Ginny Sack is having a 90-pound mole taken off her ass."

  • Phil Leotardo
  • Ralph Cifaretto
  • Tony Soprano

"A lot of top guys have dark moods. That Winston Churchill drank a quart of brandy before breakfast." 

  • Paulie Walnuts
  • Tony Blundetto
  • Silvio Dante

"It's not the worst thing I ever heard. I was seeing a therapist myself about a year ago. I had some issues. Enough said. I learned some coping skills."

  • Father Intintola
  • Paulie Walnuts
  • Silvio Dante

"Is nothing sacred? What happened to this thing? If this was years ago, would I even have to ask? We bend more rules than the Catholic Church." 

  • Uncle Junior
  • Johnny Sacrimoni
  • Phil Leotardo

"This alteration you had with him … you're at the precipice, Tony, of an enormous crossroad."

  • Little Carmine Lupertazzi
  • Silvio Dante
  • Christopher Moltisanti

"You want someone who's sensitive to your needs, but still decisive enough for the occasional grope in the closet."

  • Jennifer Melfi
  • Carmela Soprano
  • Rosalie Aprile

"Every day is a gift. It's just, does it have to be a pair of socks?"

  • Uncle Junior
  • Paulie Walnuts
  • Tony Soprano

"Whatever you do, don't engage Silvio in conversation."

  • Paulie Walnuts
  • Christopher Moltisanti
  • Carmela Soprano

"In the midst of death, we are in life, huh? Or is it the other way around?" 

  • Tony Soprano
  • Tony Blundetto
  • Paulie Walnuts

"I'm like King Midas in reverse."

  • Tony Soprano
  • Uncle Junior
  • Phil Leotardo

"I told him, someone owes you money, even if you gotta crawl, you get it."

  • Johnny Sacrimoni
  • Vito Spatafore
  • Paulie Walnuts

"The only thing I ever found in the street was my first wife."

  • Eugene Pontecorvo
  • Richie Aprile
  • Bobby Baccalieri

"What kind of animal smokes marijuana at his own confirmation?"

  • Jennifer Melfi
  • Carmela Soprano
  • Tony Soprano

"You add up all your mortal sins and multiply that number by 50. Then you add up all your venial sins and multiply that by 25. You add that together, and that's your sentence. I figure I'm gonna have to do 6,000 years before I get accepted into heaven, and 6,000 years is nothing in eternity terms. I can do that standing on my head. It's like a couple of days here."

  • Uncle Junior
  • Christopher Moltisanti
  • Paulie Walnuts

"If you can quote the rules, then you can obey them."

  • Phil Leotardo
  • Uncle Junior
  • Tony Soprano

"When I was a little kid, no older than that, I always used to wonder why nobody collected prayer cards like they collected baseball cards."

  • Phil Leotardo
  • Carmine Lupertazzi
  • Uncle Junior

"My daughter got off on this feminist rant. She told me it's demeaning for a girl to be working at the Bing. The fact that these girls make $1,500 a week has no bearing with my <i>principessa</i>."

  • Silvio Dante
  • Paulie Walnuts
  • Gigi Cestone

"Do you think making a hamburger out of me would make you feel better?"

  • Ralph Cifaretto
  • Big Pussy Bonpensiero
  • Jennifer Melfi