This looks like the middle of a horror movie, but I promise it's not! Clark is attempting to saw off the root end of the Christmas tree the family brought home. Before he can complete his task, he gets confronted by his neighbors and politely tells them where he plans to put said tree after prepping it.

The Griswold family treks through miles of cold snow to find the perfect Christmas tree. They get to the tree, only to realize that Clark forgot his chainsaw at home. He has to act fast and come up with a strategy to bring the tree home.

Clark tells Ellen to take it easy and leave the driving to him. Then his driving starts to get more out of hand when he decides to try and pass the semi.

Once Clark realizes they are stuck in the empty space under the log semi, he tries to swerve to escape and ends up head to head with a snow plow. The only way to avoid that collision is to drive the car over the snow embankment, right into the Christmas tree sign.

The Griswolds walk all the way through the forest and find the perfect tree, only to realize that Clark forgot a saw. Clark ends up pulling the tree out of the ground with its roots to take it home.

One little trim and the tree falls, smashing through their living room window. Clark still maintains that the tree is perfect. Later, in bed, Clark's hands are so coated in sap he can't even look through a magazine without ripping all of the pages out.

Ellen reminds Clark that he sets events up with expectations that no one can ever live up to. She says, "parties, weddings, anniversaries, funerals, holidays..." and all the while his hand gets stuck to her hair and to the bedside lamp.

Clark's boss asks him to create a write-up on a non-nutritive cereal brand and asks him to write it in laymen's terms, Clark agrees, with pleasure. Then he thanks the boss for the Christmas card that he and the family received a few days earlier.

Clark sees a beautiful store clerk and proceeds to fumble over his words, making multiple accidental references to the woman's breasts. He can't manage to carry on a normal conversation with the woman at all. Luckily, she doesn't really seem to notice.

Zoom in on the front door and all you can hear is arguing and screaming outside on the porch. Clark opens the door to both families arguing about God knows what, and he wishes them all a merry Christmas.

The neighbors look on as Clark sets the ladder up to begin putting on the lights. They clearly do not like him. One says to the other that they hope he falls and breaks his neck. They both agree that they'll probably not be lucky enough to see him break his neck.

Clark accidentally nails his sleeve to the lights and rips his sleeve off trying to detach it. His ladder almost completely falls but he manages to get caught by a tree behind him.

As you can imagine, the gutter rips off and causes a large chunk of ice to go flying in the air. The ice goes through the neighbors' window, ruining their expensive CD player.

The family drum rolls and Clark tries to connect all 25,000 lights, only to find out that the connection isn't working. His mom laughs and exclaims, "Talk about pissing your money away."

Clark sneaks out of the bedroom with a bag of something secret; he clearly doesn't want any of the family members to hear or see him. He pulls the hatch down for the attic and the ladder comes barreling out, hitting him right in the face.

By now, we can all guess how graceful Clark can be. Not only did he hit his head multiple times with plywood, he also managed to fall through the attic floor onto his son's bunk bed.

Clark finds himself locked in the attic most of the day. Freezing, he only finds old women's clothing to put on. He tries to make the best of his situation by watching old family movies and getting a tad emotional.

Turns out the breaker just wasn't turned on properly, so someone goes in the garage and flips the switch, and the lights turn on! They are so bright they drown the neighbors in light from next door.

Clark is celebrating the lights turning on with the whole family and then he stumbles upon his cousins, Eddie and Catherine. He is clearly taken aback that they are there, as he had no idea they were coming to be a part of the holiday.

Clark explains how his new lubricant is 500 times more slippery than regular cooking oil and boy is he right! Clark ends up sledding so far down the hill that he travels through a cabin and into a cement parking lot.

Clark has a wild imagination. He begins with an innocent fantasy about his family playing around in the pool. It leads to a daydream about Mary, the beautiful sales clerk, skinny-dipping alone in the pool.

Good old Cousin Eddie knows no boundaries. Eddie empties out his RV's septic tank into the rainwater drain, not thinking of the consequences it could cause. Clark comments that it is incredibly dangerous, not to mention illegal, to do so.

Aunt Bethany is getting older and her memory is not quite what it used to be. Not only does she wrap up her cat as a gift, she also wraps up her dirty jello mold.

Cousin Catherine starts to cry when she sees the turkey she made is so dry there is nothing left in the middle to eat. It is so dry it is exploding with gas. Eddie doesn't understand why she is crying.

You know the saying, "curiosity killed the cat?" Well... in this case, it hits a little too close to home. Aunt Bethany's cat is scorched from nibbling on the Christmas tree lights while Clark tries to plug them back into the outlet.

Indeed the yard is a sight to behold, but not for a good reason. The sewer glows from the septic tank waste Cousin Eddie put in it. The yard is starting to take on all kinds of toxic looks.

As if things couldn't get worse, now the Christmas tree is up in flames. Talk about a dysfunctional family gathering! Before Clark finds out, the whole family is exclaiming that they didn't really like that Christmas tree anyway. Good riddance, they all say.

Clark is furious when he finds out his bonus is a year's subscription to the Jelly of the Month Club instead of a large check for all the hard work he did over the year.

Clark is furious about his lack of a bonus and really wants to see his rich boss pay for the b***s*** gift he received. He is in such a fury that he starts up the chainsaw and is fuming in the driveway when his son attempts to calm him down.

Margo and Todd Chester mull over the idea of getting a Christmas tree on Christmas Eve. Todd asks Margo where they will find a tree the day before Christmas. To their surprise, one pops into their dining room, breaking through the window.

Clark goes a little overboard with the chainsaw and tries to fix the wooden post on the staircase. I'm pretty sure that isn't the usual way you fix a wiggling post, but who knows. As if his Santa outfit makes it seem any less crazy.

Clark goes to check out the sound and hears something coming from the tree. Out jumps a crazed squirrel, ready to pounce on the family. Everyone runs up the stairs to avoid the little critter.

Everyone is after the crazed squirrel, and we mean everyone... Cousin Eddie's dog hears the commotion and joins the fun by chasing the squirrel all around the house. He destroys everything in his path along the way.

Margo is pissed that her husband isn't man enough to put an end to all of the madness happening next door. She gets totally overwhelmed and decides she has had enough drama for one holiday. She punches her husband in the face for letting her go to the Griswolds' house alone.

Clark had his heart set on the perfect family Christmas. The whole family tries to leave because so many things have gone wrong and they don't want to be a part of the mess anymore.

Clark tells his dad that he has no idea how he gets through the holidays with them being the mess that they always are. His father tells him that "Jack Daniels" helped him out all those years.

Cousin Eddie takes Clark seriously about kidnapping the boss and goes ahead and does so. He is wrapped in a ribbon and has a dog chained to his wrists and ankles. His boss's wife is anxiously looking for her husband.

Having figured out who they think kidnapped Clark's boss, the cops swoop in, in a frenzy to arrest the man responsible and rescue the one abducted. They must think it is very serious because there is no shortage of officers on the scene!

There is a massive explosion as the old man goes to light his cigar and drops a match in the sewer that was full of the septic waste Cousin Eddie dumped in earlier. Everyone breaks into song, because nothing will allow them to not enjoy the moment.