1. The roots are too stubborn to come off
   Clark ends up hurting himself
2. Clark saws off the roots of the tree, but not before being confronted by their uptight neighbors.
   Clark gets out a chainsaw and turns on his family

This looks like the middle of a horror movie, but I promise it's not! Clark is attempting to saw off the root end of the Christmas tree the family brought home. Before he can complete his task, he gets confronted by his neighbors and politely tells them where he plans to put said tree after prepping it.

1. The Griswolds give up on the tree.
   The Griswold family treks through miles of cold snow to find the perfect Christmas tree.
2. The Griswolds opt for a fake store-bought tree instead.
   The Griswold family spends the entire day on the side of the road.

The Griswold family treks through miles of cold snow to find the perfect Christmas tree. They get to the tree, only to realize that Clark forgot his chainsaw at home. He has to act fast and come up with a strategy to bring the tree home.

1. Clark gets more aggressive with his driving.
   The car breaks down.
2. Clark asks the kids about the first White House Tree.
   Clarks driving gets more out of hand when he tries to pass a truck, and passes under the semi.

Clark tells Ellen to take it easy and leave the driving to him. Then his driving starts to get more out of hand when he decides to try and pass the semi.

1. Clark must swerve off the road in order to avoid hitting a snow plowing machine.
   Clark narrowly escapes a terrible crash.
2. Clark and the family get run over by the semi.
   Clark gets pulled over.

Once Clark realizes they are stuck in the empty space under the log semi, he tries to swerve to escape and ends up head to head with a snow plow. The only way to avoid that collision is to drive the car over the snow embankment, right into the Christmas tree sign.

1. Clark manages to pull the tree with its roots and take it home.
   They have to leave, treeless.
2. They chain the tree to the car and pull it out.
   Clark huddles with the family in the branches to get warm.

The Griswolds walk all the way through the forest and find the perfect tree, only to realize that Clark forgot a saw. Clark ends up pulling the tree out of the ground with its roots to take it home.

1. Clark brings the tree in and cuts the ties, only to realize the tree is way to large for their living room
   The Griswolds decorate the tree right away
2. The Griswolds use the extra branches to make a fire
   Clark gives up on the tree

One little trim and the tree falls, smashing through their living room window. Clark still maintains that the tree is perfect. Later, in bed, Clark's hands are so coated in sap he can't even look through a magazine without ripping all of the pages out.

1. Clark refuses to budge on the Christmas plan
   They decide to separate
2. The family tree is very fresh, leaving sap all over Clark and causing him to stick to everything
   Clark agrees to change the Christmas plan

Ellen reminds Clark that he sets events up with expectations that no one can ever live up to. She says, "parties, weddings, anniversaries, funerals, holidays..." and all the while his hand gets stuck to her hair and to the bedside lamp.

1. Clark is confronted by his cold boss for a report on his new invention, a non-caloric silicon-based kitchen lubricant
   Clark's boss tells him about an incident
2. Clark's boss demands he finish a project asap
   Clark's boss asks him to join his posse

Clark's boss asks him to create a write-up on a non-nutritive cereal brand and asks him to write it in laymen's terms, Clark agrees, with pleasure. Then he thanks the boss for the Christmas card that he and the family received a few days earlier.

1. Clarks asks the woman for advice on presents for his kids
   Clark goes Christmas shopping for his wife and gets help from a beautiful sales clerk.
2. Clark compliments the woman's blouse
   Clark tries to buy whatever she is selling

Clark sees a beautiful store clerk and proceeds to fumble over his words, making multiple accidental references to the woman's breasts. He can't manage to carry on a normal conversation with the woman at all. Luckily, she doesn't really seem to notice.

1. The parents get caught plotting
   The two families are actually getting along
2. The parents arrive for Christmas festivities!
   The two mothers are confused

Zoom in on the front door and all you can hear is arguing and screaming outside on the porch. Clark opens the door to both families arguing about God knows what, and he wishes them all a merry Christmas.

1. The two neighbors are thrilled
   They talk about coming over for Christmas
2. The neighbors are uninterested
   The nosey neighbors watch Clark put up Christmas lights and wish he would fall and break his neck

The neighbors look on as Clark sets the ladder up to begin putting on the lights. They clearly do not like him. One says to the other that they hope he falls and breaks his neck. They both agree that they'll probably not be lucky enough to see him break his neck.

1. Clark rips his sleeve off
   Clark accidentally staples his sleeve to the roof instead of the strand of lights
2. Clark gets hot and tries to remove his gloves
   Clark calls to Ellen for help

Clark accidentally nails his sleeve to the lights and rips his sleeve off trying to detach it. His ladder almost completely falls but he manages to get caught by a tree behind him.

1. Still attempting to get all the lights up, Clark falls and grabs onto the gutter, hoping it will hold his weight
   Clark leaves the lights only half on
2. Clark abandons the ladder
   Clark falls and hurts himself on the ice

As you can imagine, the gutter rips off and causes a large chunk of ice to go flying in the air. The ice goes through the neighbors' window, ruining their expensive CD player.

1. The family anxiously awaits the lighting of the house
   The family gathers for a moment of silence
2. The family tries to help solve the light problem
   The Griswold family stands outside, wondering why the 25,000 lights are not working

The family drum rolls and Clark tries to connect all 25,000 lights, only to find out that the connection isn't working. His mom laughs and exclaims, "Talk about pissing your money away."

1. The attic is a special family location
   Clark tries to escape through the attic
2. Clark attempts to hide his wife's Christmas present in the attic and gets locked in there by his mother-in-law
   The attic door won't stay shut

Clark sneaks out of the bedroom with a bag of something secret; he clearly doesn't want any of the family members to hear or see him. He pulls the hatch down for the attic and the ladder comes barreling out, hitting him right in the face.

1. Clark successfully hides the presents
   Clark injures himself with plywood
2. Clark hides from the family
   Clark heads out to make breakfast

By now, we can all guess how graceful Clark can be. Not only did he hit his head multiple times with plywood, he also managed to fall through the attic floor onto his son's bunk bed.

1. Clark meditates on his plans for the holiday
   Clark decides to crossdress
2. Clark grabs all the warm clothes in the attic and accepts his fate
   Clark cries for Christmas lost

Clark finds himself locked in the attic most of the day. Freezing, he only finds old women's clothing to put on. He tries to make the best of his situation by watching old family movies and getting a tad emotional.

1. Clark opts for pretend lights
   Clark finally figures out the lights!
2. Grandma Griswold unknowingly finds the secret to turning on the Christmas lights
   The lights only come on briefly

Turns out the breaker just wasn't turned on properly, so someone goes in the garage and flips the switch, and the lights turn on! They are so bright they drown the neighbors in light from next door.

1. Cousin Eddie and Cousin Catherine show up for a surprise visit
   The cousins stop by to say hi
2. The cousins come to terrorize the family
   The cousins are kicked out of their celebration

Clark is celebrating the lights turning on with the whole family and then he stumbles upon his cousins, Eddie and Catherine. He is clearly taken aback that they are there, as he had no idea they were coming to be a part of the holiday.

1. The family goes on a midnight mission
   Clark explains the dangers of oil
2. Clark takes the family to the circle
   Clark puts his non-caloric silicon-based kitchen lubricant invention to the test on his sled

Clark explains how his new lubricant is 500 times more slippery than regular cooking oil and boy is he right! Clark ends up sledding so far down the hill that he travels through a cabin and into a cement parking lot.

1. Clark is checking for cops
   Clark imagines the brand-new swimming pool that he plans to buy with his holiday bonus
2. Clark is imaging the neighborhood all lit up
   Clark is reminiscing about the past

Clark has a wild imagination. He begins with an innocent fantasy about his family playing around in the pool. It leads to a daydream about Mary, the beautiful sales clerk, skinny-dipping alone in the pool.

1. Eddie is taking out the trash
   Eddie is relieving himself outside while drinking a beer
2. Eddie is emptying his RV septic tank into the street drain
   Eddie is trying to bring all his presents inside

Good old Cousin Eddie knows no boundaries. Eddie empties out his RV's septic tank into the rainwater drain, not thinking of the consequences it could cause. Clark comments that it is incredibly dangerous, not to mention illegal, to do so.

1. Aunt Bethany tries to steal presents
   Aunt Bethany gives the family her cat
2. Aunt Bethany is confused
   Aunt Bethany accidently wraps her cat as a present to the family

Aunt Bethany is getting older and her memory is not quite what it used to be. Not only does she wrap up her cat as a gift, she also wraps up her dirty jello mold.

1. The turkey explodes from being so dry when Clark tries to carve it
   The turkey gets eaten before everyone gets some
2. There is dynamite in the turkey
   The turkey is a prank

Cousin Catherine starts to cry when she sees the turkey she made is so dry there is nothing left in the middle to eat. It is so dry it is exploding with gas. Eddie doesn't understand why she is crying.

1. Bethany's cat knocks over the tree
   Bethany's cat breaks the cord on purpose
2. Bethany's cat finds a mouse
   Kitty's night ends abruptly when she is scorched from the Christmas tree lights

You know the saying, "curiosity killed the cat?" Well... in this case, it hits a little too close to home. Aunt Bethany's cat is scorched from nibbling on the Christmas tree lights while Clark tries to plug them back into the outlet.

1. The sewer glows from the festering septic tank liquid Cousin Eddie put in there
   Santa casts a green glow
2. The yard is filled with slippery oil
   They dye the lawn green for Christmas

Indeed the yard is a sight to behold, but not for a good reason. The sewer glows from the septic tank waste Cousin Eddie put in it. The yard is starting to take on all kinds of toxic looks.

1. The old man falls asleep standing up
   Uncle Lewis tries to smoke the tree
2. Uncle Lewis lights his cigar and accidently lights the tree on fire along with it
   The old man lights up and causes a huge fire

As if things couldn't get worse, now the Christmas tree is up in flames. Talk about a dysfunctional family gathering! Before Clark finds out, the whole family is exclaiming that they didn't really like that Christmas tree anyway. Good riddance, they all say.

1. Clark finally receives his so-called bonus in the mail
   Clark gets a large bonus from his boss in the mail
2. Clark gets an eviction notice
   Clark gets a letter from the beautiful clerk

Clark is furious when he finds out his bonus is a year's subscription to the Jelly of the Month Club instead of a large check for all the hard work he did over the year.

1. Clark goes out to cut another tree down from the backyard
   Clark makes open threats to the neighbors
2. Clark tries to saw his boss down
   Clack is so furious that nothing is going his way, he decides to chop down the tree in his front yard to replace the burnt one

Clark is furious about his lack of a bonus and really wants to see his rich boss pay for the b***s*** gift he received. He is in such a fury that he starts up the chainsaw and is fuming in the driveway when his son attempts to calm him down.

1. The neighbors talk about getting a Christmas tree while eating dinner
   The neighbors plot against the Griswolds
2. The neighbors think about inviting people over
   The neighbors talk about hating Christmas

Margo and Todd Chester mull over the idea of getting a Christmas tree on Christmas Eve. Todd asks Margo where they will find a tree the day before Christmas. To their surprise, one pops into their dining room, breaking through the window.

1. Clark takes the chainsaw into the attic
   Clark starts making repairs to the Christmas lights
2. Clark "fixes" the wiggling post by cutting it off with a saw
   Clark is still fuming and uses the saw to express himself

Clark goes a little overboard with the chainsaw and tries to fix the wooden post on the staircase. I'm pretty sure that isn't the usual way you fix a wiggling post, but who knows. As if his Santa outfit makes it seem any less crazy.

1. Clark smells something funky
   Aunt Bethany notices a small squeaking sound in the living room
2. Clark starts to remove the decorations
   Clark is trimming the new tree

Clark goes to check out the sound and hears something coming from the tree. Out jumps a crazed squirrel, ready to pounce on the family. Everyone runs up the stairs to avoid the little critter.

1. The dog Snot whines from the garage
   The dog Snot eats the squirrel
2. Cousin Eddie's dog, Snot, joins the hunt for the squirrel
   Snot the dog sneaks off up the stairs

Everyone is after the crazed squirrel, and we mean everyone... Cousin Eddie's dog hears the commotion and joins the fun by chasing the squirrel all around the house. He destroys everything in his path along the way.

1. Margo sprays eggnog in her husband's face
   Margo goes to the Griswolds' house, only to get attacked by the squirrel and Eddie's dog, and then she punches her husband
2. Margo slams a present into his chest
   Margo screams in her husband's face

Margo is pissed that her husband isn't man enough to put an end to all of the madness happening next door. She gets totally overwhelmed and decides she has had enough drama for one holiday. She punches her husband in the face for letting her go to the Griswolds' house alone.

1. Clark loses it when he finds out everyone is trying to leave
   Clark decides to take the family away
2. Clark decides to leave the family behind
   Clark ignores the family

Clark had his heart set on the perfect family Christmas. The whole family tries to leave because so many things have gone wrong and they don't want to be a part of the mess anymore.

1. Clark forgives his father
   Clark gets a bonus from his father
2. Clark and his father have a heart-to-heart about his holiday efforts
   Clark and his father hug but then fight

Clark tells his dad that he has no idea how he gets through the holidays with them being the mess that they always are. His father tells him that "Jack Daniels" helped him out all those years.

1. Cousin Eddie finds a stray dog
   Cousin Eddie smashes the RV into the house
2. Cousin Eddie wraps up Clark's boss like a present
   Cousin Eddie kidnaps Clark's boss

Cousin Eddie takes Clark seriously about kidnapping the boss and goes ahead and does so. He is wrapped in a ribbon and has a dog chained to his wrists and ankles. His boss's wife is anxiously looking for her husband.

1. The police are called to the Griswold residence by Frank Shirley's wife after he is kidnapped
   The cops come to join the party
2. The cops arrest the neighbors
   The cops come to assist in the abduction

Having figured out who they think kidnapped Clark's boss, the cops swoop in, in a frenzy to arrest the man responsible and rescue the one abducted. They must think it is very serious because there is no shortage of officers on the scene!

1. The old man talks about the true meaning of Christmas
   We see an actual Christmas miracle
2. The old man tries to stop the police
   The movie ends with one last bang, sending a pile of s**t flying in the air

There is a massive explosion as the old man goes to light his cigar and drops a match in the sewer that was full of the septic waste Cousin Eddie dumped in earlier. Everyone breaks into song, because nothing will allow them to not enjoy the moment.