Image: Shutterstock
What form factor would you buy?
A rack mounted workstation with lots of expandability. I might even need a rack because of all the peripherals.
A tower workstation, and an external chassis for some of my peripherals.
Desktop all-in-one. I need space on my desk.
Laptop. Is there another kind?
Would you buy everything from one manufacturer?
I'll look for the best deals on each part.
I'll go to the best makes for each component.
I'd prefer to get things from one maker, so I can have everything covered by one warranty.
Is there more than one manufacturer?
Would you buy new or used?
A used computer? How gauche.
If it does what I need and I can get a warranty, I'll buy used.
I'd buy some parts used, if they work well enough, and some new. I'm keeping my lucky mouse.
I'm getting everything new. I don't want to have to think about maintenance.
Advertisement
How cool does your computer have to be?
So cool. It has to impress my peers.
I don't care how it looks. What I do with it is cool enough.
I need to keep it cold. Do you have any idea how much power I'm going to use to do my job! The GPU alone will run at 32 Celsius.
It just has to be black.
Will you need a touchscreen?
One would be nice, but ultimately unnecessary.
Yes, but only if I can have it built into my desk, or hold it on my lap.
No. Do you think I'll be playing Candy Crush on a full size computer?
OMG, YES! So cool. Oh, you asked me if I "need" one? Well, I guess not, but I want one.
Advertisement
What is your budget?
Money is no object.
My life savings.
$35,520
I'll put it on my 17 credit cards.
What are your feelings about mouse ergonomics?
I don't care so long as it is pretty.
Ugh. I'll be working for hours. I need something comfortable.
I want something designed for the exact shape of my hands. Not your hands. My hands.
If it works well, and it doesn't impede my ability to work, I don't mind.
What kind of monitor would you like?
I don't care as long as they are many.
I don't want one where images burn in easily, because it'll be on for days at a time.
4K HDR, at least.
I'm sure whatever Tim Cook thinks is best is best.
Advertisement
Do you need disc drives?
Occasionally. I'll take a disc drive.
I do everything over WiFi and thumb drives, so no, I don't need extra media drives.
Give me as many Blu-Ray burners as can fit in the chassis.
What's a disc drive? Are you my grandfather?
How much storage do you need?
I need some, but it's not a priority, though it should be. I run out of space all the time.
A few TB. Nothing crazy.
Give me an SSD, so it boots quickly. That's all I care about.
I will never have enough storage.
What keyboard would you buy?
It has to light up so I can work all night.
I need an ergonomic keyboard.
I need a mechanical keyboard.
If it's sleek and as thick as a sheet of paper, I'm happy.
Advertisement
Would you put a skin on your keyboard?
No.
I might, for some of my software.
I don't need a skin. I have all the macros on my software memorized.
I'll put an ugly sheet of rubber over it to keep it looking pretty, despite never clapping eyes on it.
How would you set up your hard drives?
Two internal drives, one being a backup
Mirrored RAID
OS on SSD, settings files on a thumb drive, and the biggest baddest media storage I can get externally, with a mirrored and striped RAID.
Uh, hard drives "plural?" Is that a thing?
How would you configure your RAM?
8 GB seems like enough.
256 GB for now. No amount is enough.
At least 64 GB, but there comes a point where it stops being useful.
Can I fit 16 GB in there?
Advertisement
How much of a warranty do you want?
Four years. After that, I'll need to replace it anyway.
A thousand years. Please. I need this thing to last a long time.
Who cares? As long as my data is safe, I can replace it.
I think they only offer three years.
Would you get a USB 3 PCI card?
Why would I need the extra slots?
Yes, probably.
Only if I can't get Thunderbolt 3.
What is a PCI card?
How many monitors would you like?
The more the merrier. Nine? Sixteen?
Just the one
Two monitors for the desktop and then several for peripherals
Two
Advertisement
What expansion device would you buy?
An external GPU
A stock ticker
A USB pet rock
A giant media drive. Seriously. That's all I care about.
What are your plans for backups?
What's a backup?
I'll run a mirror and that's enough for me.
Not only will I back up any raw media, I will put anything I'm working on into the most secure external server I can.
I keep a backup in the cloud.
What wireless capacities do you want?
WiFi and Bluetooth.
WiFi, and I'll get wireless dongles for any accessories that need them.
Wireless? I'm plugged into a LAN.
Is there a way to charge my computer without a cable?
Advertisement
How will you personalize your computer?
I'll put my coffee mug next to it.
I'll put a totally expressive skin on the case.
I'll give it nice wallpaper.
I will customize everything about the desktop.
What kind of router will you use?
Norton's expensive, secure geodesic dome thing.
I made my own with a 3D printer.
I don't need a wireless router. I'm plugged into a LAN.
Does Apple make one? I want that one.
What is the computer chassis made from?
Carbon fiber. If someone falls on it during the office Christmas party, I don't want to hurt it.
It doesn't matter to me.
Plastic. Cheap to fix.
Aluminum. That's what Apple uses, right?
Advertisement
What cooling system will you use?
I'm sure the standard fans will be fine.
Liquid cooling fan system.
I'll air-condition my office.
Cooling? Isn't Apple cool enough as is? Is there a cooler computer? Pineapple! I'll get a Pineapple.
What do you consider essential software?
My employer will provide me with whatever special software I need, aside from Office.
Autocad.
Avid Media Composer, Scriptsync, DaVinci Resolve, After Effects, Photoshop, Illustrator, and Office, because I'm an adult.
Final Cut X, Adobe After Effects, Photoshop, Pluraleyes, Chrome, and whatever the OS provides for free because that's my budget.
How often will you replace your computer?
Once every ten years or so.
Who cares? My office will pay for it.
Once every three to five years.
If I had my druthers, I'd do it every year.
Advertisement
Will you make hardware upgrades as time passes?
Yes. It's more efficient than getting a new one.
Yes. There are new components coming out all the time.
Who cares? I'll just get a new one when it gets old.
You can upgrade the hardware on a computer?
What will you plug your computer into?
A splitter. I need a lot of power.
There's a plug setup in the floor.
Just the one power cable.
The gnarliest surge protector I can find.
What little extra would you like for your system?
Beats headphones
Sony studio headphones
Those glasses that protect my eyes from staring at a screen all day
A cushion for my wrists
Advertisement
You Got: