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About This Quiz
You are pretty sure criminals are dumb, and you're not far off, but it's one thing to be a criminal flunky, and quite another to be a criminal mastermind. Do you have the evil cunning you'd need to run a criminal empire?
How intelligent do you think you are?
I haven't yet determined my limits
I'm a genius
I'm pretty clever
I'm not very sharp
How cruel are you?
My cruelty is peerless
My cruelty is exquisite
My cruelty is great but unimaginative
I'm not very cruel
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What is the most cunning thing you did as a child?
I murdered my entire family, having arranged their wills just so
I once stole my father's car and held up a liquor store with my uncle's gun
I stole my neighbor's identity and used it to take out hundreds of thousands of dollars in loans which I converted into bearer bonds
I stole some cookies once
What level of crime have you committed?
Mass murder
The grandest of grand larceny
Extortion
I stole a suitcase once
Have you ever gotten someone else to commit a crime on your behalf?
I've convinced mothers to steal bread from the mouths of their very children
I've convinced sons to pauperize their own fathers
I have brought corrupt officials to kill their mistresses
I got a kid to write "Mr. Johnson sucks" on Mr. Johnson's car when we were in high school
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Have you ever made a financial profit from a crime?
Naturally. What else would be the point?
My thefts have made me wealthy
I have a great pad as a result
Nope
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Do you surround yourself with loyal people?
I surround myself mostly with my enemies
I surround myself with loyal tools
I surround myself with people who fear me
I have a couple loyal friends, but they're as dumb as a sack of rocks
Do you surround yourself with intelligent people?
Yes
Mostly they are fools
None of them see the big picture
No
Do you surround yourself with ambitious people?
Yes, all of them
Some are too ambitious for their own good
Their ambitions are stupid
No
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Do you know how to run a legit business?
Yes, and perhaps some day I will
Yes, but what's the point of that?
Legitimate can mean a lot of different things
No
Do you know what The Wire con is?
It's placing a bet you know you've already won, in a nutshell
I used to pull those in high school
I'm guessing that something grubby little thieves do
No idea
Do you think you could pull off a Pigeon Drop?
If needs be, I could do it all on my own
If I had a partner I could do it
Oh dear, what is that?
You mean like, make a poop in public?
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Do you think you have the social skills to be a con man?
If I had to lower myself to that
I could do it without difficulty
A spy maybe, but I wouldn't lower myself to con man
I don't have the social skills for a conversation
Have you ever been caught committing a crime?
Once, by my late mother and father. Once.
A few times in my youth
Many times, until I was properly mentored
I was caught once, by someone I should not have tried stealing from
If you were caught, how did you respond?
I did in those who caught me
I talked my way out of it
I had a daring escape
I begged for mercy
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Are you willing to put your ego aside for the sake of work?
Yes
It would be difficult
No
I don't know myself well enough to have an ego
How stylish are you?
Not at all
I have my distinctive look
I'm stylish to a fault
I'm such a follower
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Which is more important, love or fear?
Love, because few can predict it
Fear, because it lasts longer
Fear, because it is easily manipulated
Love because John Lennon liked it?
How would you react to a gun pointed in your face?
I would know it was all part of my plan
I'd smile for I'd know that I'd emptied the gun of its bullets
Surrender
I'd make a mess in my shorts
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What would you prefer for your public identity?
A myth
A respectable gentleman
A civil employee
A loser with room mates
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How much is a life worth?
As much as its bearer can do
$47,982.02
Nothing
These questions are making me really uncomfortable
What is the goal of the criminal mastermind?
To amass a fortune, cut ties with the underworld, and go straight
To amass a fortune, defend the fortune, and enlarge the fortune
To build lasting, if stupid things
To rob banks
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You Got: