Do You Fancy Flying? Just How Good Is Your Airplane Etiquette?

By: Mark Lichtenstein

6 Min Quiz

Image: Shutterstock

About This Quiz

Anyone who has flown a significant number of times has sat next to enough people that they know there is a spectrum of people we sit beside, some of whom know how to behave on an airplane, and some of whom do not. Where do you fall on that spectrum?

Bare feet: yay or nay?

No. If you must take off your shoes because your feet are swollen, wear socks.

I wear socks, even torn ones, but never bare feet.
Only if you're staying in your seat.

I paid for this seat and I can take off my shoes and socks if I want to!

Do you recline your seat?

Only a little and only after takeoff.

I recline all the way I can but only after takeoff.
I constantly change, but only after takeoff.

I put it down as soon as I'm seated, and I try to change position while the person behind me is eating.

There's an empty seat next to you. Yaaaaaaaaaassss! Do you immediately colonize it with your stuff?

I do it discreetly unless someone arrives to claim it.

I plant my bag on it.
I sit in it and put my stuff in my seat!

I put up the arm rest and sit between the seats, using half of each seat belt.

You need to vomit frequently and you're in a middle seat. How do you handle it?

I go to the bathroom, and when my tummy gives me a reprieve, I ask the flight attendants if there's a discreet place to seat me, so I can puke in peace.

I try to make it to the bathroom, but hoard all the air sickness bags just in case.
I use every receptacle around me. Air sickness bags, shopping bags, my purse...

I use one neighbor as a barf bucket for the first half of the flight and the other one for the second half.

There's turbulence and you are in a middle seat. What do you do?

Hold on and try to relax.

I clutch my seat and sit still.
I close my eyes and say a prayer out loud.

I push the help button over and over again until someone comes to reassure me.

Your seat-mate keeps talking to you and he's really boring. How do you get out of the conversation?

I go to the bathroom, then come back, put on headphones, and read a book.

I just put on a movie and don my headphones.
I ask them to stop talking.

I ask them if they have accepted Jesus as their own personal savior.

There's a baby on the plane and it is sitting right next to you. Uh-oh. What do you do?

Plug in my headphones and do my best to ignore the baby, unless the parent needs help, in which case I pitch in.

I plug in my headphones and ignore the kid.
I ask to be moved.

I demand the kid be moved.

You realize that the person next to you is quietly watching your DVD player. What do you do?

I ask if they are enjoying the movie in a way that suggests that maybe they should be a little embarassed.

I turn it away from them, subtlely.
I pause at awkward moments until they stop.

I put on the most offensive thing I have in my library.

It's meal time and you forgot to order your veggie meal. What do you do?

Politely ask the flight attendant if an extra is available, and if not, just eat the veggies in my regular meal.

Ask the flight attendant if there's another veggie meal available and if there isn't, eat all my candy instead.
Demand the flight attendant provide one and lie about having ordered one.

Demand that someone trade their meal for mine.

Due to turbulence, you spill your drink on your neighbor. How do you handle it?

I apologize and take the initiative on getting towels etc. If the garment is nice, I offer to pay for cleaning.

I apologize and give them my cocktail napkins, offering to pay for cleaning.
I give them my napkins and ask if they have anything else to wear.

I get another drink.

Worse yet, your neighbor spills her drink on you! What do you do?

I laugh about it and try to help the person sitting next to me, starting with getting them towels and another drink.

I get us both napkins.
I curse, say we're now even, and clean up in the bathroom.

I shout and curse at the person! I hope they die!

How much alcohol is too much?

More than a couple units, carefully spaced out.

Three units
Five units

There is never too much booze!

Do you get nervous when there is turbulence?

No. It has never brought down a plane.

Only when I'm in the bathroom... busy with something.
Yes, I get a little freaked out.

I scream like it's the end of the world.

You are on the aisle and need to shut the window blind. The person on the window isn't looking out of the window. How do you get the blind shut?

I politely ask if they would not mind shutting the window.

I ask the flight attendant to ask them to do it.
I just do it.

I demand that I be moved to another seat.

Your seat mate is being an intolerable jerk. What do you do?

Politely ask them to adjust their behavior, and if they do not, request the flight attendants move me, or the offender.

I ask to be moved.
I eat something that will give me gas, and I fart the whole flight.

I break out the religious pamphlets and pitch Jesus's love to this person until they leave me alone.

Besides your footwear, what are you wearing?

Lightweight clothing that isn't revealing, and some layers to adjust to temperatures.

Jeans and a T-shirt.
Athletic clothes: yoga pants and a tank top.

Short shorts and a tube top.

Is it ever appropriate to paint your nails on a plane?

No - the fumes actually clear even slower than cigarette smoke, and can make people feel funny in a closed space.

No, because you might need to touch things to let someone from the middle get out.
No, because it's like cutting your nails in public.

Sure! Just do it in bulkhead.

Returning from your sun-drenched holiday, you are wearing a tank top and in a middle seat. Halfway through the flight you realize your tan is starting to peel from your shoulders and drop little flakes of skin everywhere. No one has noticed yet. What do you do about your shedding skin?

I get whatever helpful items I have from my bag (moisturizer, chapstick, a shirt, etc.) and take care of things in the bathroom.

I go to the bathroom, peel off what I can and put on a shirt.
I put on a shirt in the bathroom.

I just peel off the big pieces and hand them to a flight attendant so they don't fall on anyone, then announce that I'm fine.

You forgot your headphones but your seat-mate has theirs. You want to watch the movie. Is it ever appropriate to ask to borrow them?

Only if the flight doesn't come with headphones and there's a way to clean them, and the other person doesn't need theirs.

Only if I have a disinfecting wipe and the headphones aren't otherwise in use.
Only if they aren't using them.

No! Freedom!

The flight is over and you left something on the plane! How do you deal with it?

I wait for everyone to get off, then politely ask the staff to help me out in finding it.

I wait until everyone gets off, then ask the staff to get the item for me.
I try to sneak back on while people are getting off and ask if I can board and find the item.

I shove everyone aside and tell people I left "my baby" on the plane so I can get back on to retrieve my iPhone.

On the security line, at what point do you remove your shoes and take out your laptop?

As early as I'm able to

As soon as there's a lull somewhere within six people from the front
When the person in front of me does

When the security guard refuses to let me through the x-ray machine

What joke do you never make on a plane?

Anything to do with bombs

Any jokes about being very ill and contageous
Anything to do with people from the places we're leaving or going to

All jokes are fair game. Freedom of speech!

Your muscles are getting very stiff and you need to do something about it before you get a cramp. What do you do?

Go to the bulkhead where there is plenty of space and rock a few quick yoga poses. No one minds and no one's personal space was invaded. They might even find it amusing or inspiring!

I stand in the aisle a moment to get something out of my bag in the overhead bins or pretend to.
I drum my feet on the floor like a prisoner.

I go to the bathroom and let the line form while I walk in place in total privacy.

What do you always have on a flight?

Painkillers, something that makes me sleepy, a book, documents, and headphones.

A book, a deck of cards, and some headphones.
A book guaranteed to make be sob uncontrollably, and my phone.

A DVD player, a stack of pornography, and some smelly food.

You got upgraded! Yay! How do you let the fancy folk of first class know you belong?

I just behave normally.

I say hello and sit down.
I pretend I always fly first by making fun of the poors.

I ostentatiously make demands of the flight attendant like I'm the king of the world.

After saving your miles for a year, you were supposed to get a business class seat. You're in cattle class. What do you do?

I politely ask the person at the desk about the mistake and if they can't handle it on the spot, I ask for compensation from the airline.

I demand the person at the desk fix it.
I call the airline from the seat and complain loudly and angrily.

I yell at a flight attendant like I'm yelling at a naughty child.

Your neighbor is asleep when the meal service comes. What do you do?

Let her sleep - I've done this so many times, I know the crew will keep a meal warm for her.

Wake her up, just in case - I wouldn't want to miss it so I do the same by her.
Nothing, it's not my business.

Tell the attendant she's my friend, take a meal for her, then eat it. Two meals for me! Win!

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