1. I am not a lawyer.
   International assassin needs assistant layperson.
2. I'm amazingly nice and loyal.
   I am now absolutely leaving.

I am not a lawyer is a common internet expression meaning you're answering a question that might have legal implications, and don't want to to be held accountable, should the other person then act on what you told them.

1. Exceptionally obvious data.
   End of day.
2. Everyone observes dat.
   Excluding one demand.

This is a short way to say that something will be delivered by "end of day". It is technically distinct from "EOBD" which means "end of business day" and could refer to having something in before midnight. Just make sure your colleague knows what you mean!

1. Live out loud.
   Laugh out loud.
2. Like our lot.
   Lots of love.

This acronym is one of the most common. In its early days, some less-connected people thought it meant "lots of love", resulting in a story of a lady who texted dozens of relatives to inform them that, "Tragically, Granddad has passed. Laugh out loud." Oops!

1. Can't you see?
   Check your settings.
2. Cystic yellowing syndrome.
   Calm your self.

This is what you say to someone who is having trouble seeing a video or downloading an attachment, and the problem might be that their computer is set up incorrectly.

1. Someone just winked.
   Say just what?
2. So jelly, woo!
   Social justice warrior.

Social justice warrior is a term to describe an earnest person who is (allegedly) so keen on social justice that they might sometimes become a little annoying about it. It was coined as an insult by people who do not agree with this approach and has since been reclaimed.

1. Someone made a keeper: indeed, baby boo's fully bae.
   Someone made a killing in banking, buying federal bonds.
2. Smoke me a kipper: I'll be back for breakfast.
   Sort me a kind, interesting, burly boyfriend, for bonding.

This is the catchphrase of "Ace" Rimmer, the super-cool and sexy alter ego of Arnold Rimmer. Rimmer is a rather pathetic second-level technician on the mining ship Red Dwarf, who winds up living as a hologram after a radiation leak kills the whole crew. His alter ego hails from an alternate universe where he was held back a year in school and became inspired to work extra hard. SMAKIBBFB is only used by deeply nerdy - and extremely awesome - people, who are typically also fans of Doctor Who.

1. Point of view.
   Plurality of viewers.
2. Petrified of voles.
   People of viewpoints.

Point of view is an acronym used in movie scripts to designate a shot that is from a character's perspective. It is also used to describe seeing something from someone's perspective, as in, "From his POV, you can see why he would be curious."

1. Actually weird, 'orrible loner.
   Absent without leave.
2. A wife on loan.
   Absentee workers often leaving.

This is a military term, and it's a big deal. Going AWOL is a great way to be dishonorably discharged and maybe even court-martialled.

1. That's blindingly hot.
   To be honest.
2. To be heroic.
   Totally baller hero.

TBH is a common internet acronym dating from the time of early SMS texting, when texters were limited to only 160 characters per text.

1. Sea Air Land.
   Sailing, Expert Aircraft Lander.
2. Sailing, Evacuation, Aviation, Landing.
   Someone's eating a lamb.

SEALs are a key part of the US Navy, and are trained to operate on sea, in the air, and on land. Do not mess with them: they're the best of the best!

1. Awesome police blitz.
   Alert police battalion.
2. All police blazed.
   All points bulletin.

An all points bulletin is what happens when a criminal is at large. It has a little summary of the crime, the suspect, and where they were seen last.

1. Estimated time of arrival.
   Expert training advocate.
2. Extremely tautological answer.
   Equal time allotted.

ETA used to mean estimated time of arrival solely. It does now also mean "edited to add," which is what you say in an online post that you subsequently changed.

1. Foregoing all queries.
   Find a question.
2. Frequently asked questions.
   Fearing alarming queues.

An FAQ section on a website or in a company handbook or similar, is a good way of not having to answer the same queries again and again. It can be as scant or as detailed as required.

1. People say.
   Please send.
2. Postscript.
   Per sender.

A postscript is an additional point added after the bulk of a text, usually below the signature. Sometimes it clarifies something; sometimes it's a way of including something you just left out.

1. Save our souls.
   Save our skins.
2. See our sights.
   Someone's obviously stupid.

Save our souls is one of the shortest messages you can send in Morse, being just one dash, one dot, and one dash. It's what you send when your ship or plane is in trouble, and you don't have time to get more specific. It means, "please send aid!"

1. Main international aviation.
   Member in absentia.
2. Mission inactive.
   Missing in action.

MIA is a military acronym that has now joined common parlance. It is a horrible thing to be, no matter your workplace - but usually, when it happens in a regular office, the odds are you come back in one piece.

1. Bring your own bottle.
   Be your own boss.
2. Boost your online business.
   Buy your own brand.

Bring your own bottle is what you tell guests on an invitation to a party where you can't afford to cater all the alcohol yourself. It's not considered rude at all; since most of your friends are awesome folks who would never show up empty-handed anyway.

1. Equal quotient.
   Emotional intelligence.
2. Emotional quotient.
   Everyone's quoting.

EQ is shorthand for "emotional intelligence," despite the fact that it has a "Q" in it. This is because it is derived from IQ, which means "intelligence quotient." EQ was coined as a term to describe a sort of intelligence that isn't about raw computing power, but is instead about how well a person connects to and reads other people - a valuable trait (or skill) indeed!

1. Did it yearly.
   Doubly interesting yarn.
2. Do it yourself.
   Doubtful internal yearbook.

DIY refers to home repairs or arts and crafts that you do when you don't want to hire someone - either because you're feeling thrifty, because you enjoy a challenge, or because you want something with true sentimental value.

1. To be announced.
   That'll be awesome.
2. Thanks, bye, all right?
   Totally bonkers announcement.

TBA is what you say when something is decided but yet to be announced.

1. Finding your inside.
   For your intention.
2. Final year investigation.
   For your information.

FYI is one of the most common acronyms in use today. When used politely, it's a way of drawing someone's attention to a fact, as in, "FYI, the meeting is in Jane's office." When used insultingly, it's a way of sarcastically telling them something that should be obvious, as in, "You're standing on my foot, just FYI."

1. Nobody actually finds trade agreeable
   North American Free Trade Agreement
2. Nightmare assessing federal taxes affected
   North Atlantic Fair Trade Association

NAFTA is a free trade agreement negotiated by legislators and executives from both sides of the aisle. It has been controversial since its signing, and it is possible that it may be altered in the near future, though it is not clear when or how.

1. Radio detection and ranging.
   Trick question - it is not an acronym, that's just a popular myth.
2. Radio activated defined antagonistic range.
   Real actual defense antimissile range.

RADAR was invented in 1935 in Britain by a scientist, Sir Robert Watson-Watt, with a delightfully scientific-sounding last name. Watson-Watt's invention was used to detect enemies coming by sea or air.

1. Swimmers can usually breathe air.
   Self-contained underwater bearing arms.
2. Self-contained underwater breathing apparatus.
   She's completely, universally beloved, actually.

SCUBA was invented by French scientists, Émile Gagnan and Jacques-Yves Cousteau. It was commonly called an aqualung, but SCUBA is so fun to say that it soon became the more popular choice.

1. Special weapons and tactics.
   Sweet weaponry attacking terrorists.
2. So, we're actual targets.
   Specialists with armor & tasers.

A SWAT team is a heavily armed and highly trained police team sent in to handle dangerous situations, such as when there are hostages to be rescued. They are borderline military and are not deployed lightly.

1. Another trick! It's not an acronym, it just means you care.
   Cooperative for American Remittances to Europe.
2. Charlie's American relatives entertain.
   Calling all retired emigres.

CARE was founded to send relief from relatively unscathed Americans to European relatives or friends whose lives had been turned upside down by the war. It is now called Cooperative for Assistance and Relief Everywhere.

1. A boo, but better.
   Boo for all eternity.
2. Bachelors are everywhere.
   Before anyone else.

A bae is like a boo, it's true, but unlike a boo, it is an acronym. It means this is your special boo and comes before all the other people in your life. It's a fine thing to have one - and an equally fine thing to be one!

1. Not in my backyard.
   Neighborhood is my baby, yo.
2. Nobody in my building yearly.
   Nightly investigating mysterious barking & yodeling.

NIMBYism is when the locals organize to object to something new in their area. This might be a legitimate complaint, like not wanting a coal mine to open next to a primary school, or it might be a rather dodgy issue of simply not wanting people who don't look like them to live nearby. Sometimes, a NIMBY is merely protecting something they love; other times they are small-minded.

1. Images made all extra large.
   Image maximum.
2. Internally magnetic as X-ray.
   Its major asking price is X.

IMAX is more expensive due to the monstrous size of the screen and the more immersive nature of the experience - but some people think they're paying another $10-15 on top of the regular movie ticket just to get a monster headache.

1. It's a kind of oil, duh.
   Water displacement - 40th attempt.
2. Wet-dry up to 40.
   Wash & dry, version 40.

WD-40 is an oil and water-displacing spray invented in 1953. It took 40 versions to get the recipe right, hence the name.

1. Mars & Mars.
   Mars & Murrie's.
2. Munch and munch.
   More and more.

Mars and Murrie were the inventors of M&Ms, but wisely made the candy small enough to only fit their shared first initial on the shell.

1. It's what cowboys say!
   Your active hotline out online.
2. Yet another hierarchical official oracle.
   Nothing, it's just the name of that company that isn't Google.

While it is a popular tech geek joke that Yahoo stands for "Yet Another Hierarchical Official Oracle", it is just the name of the company.

1. Switching manual automatic relay traction.
   Seriously minute automobile revolutionizes transport.
2. Swatch, Mercedes & Art.
   Nothing - it's just a really clever car.

The SMART car was a hybrid brought to market by Swatch watches and Mercedes. The name is a portmanteau, and the car is pretty darn awesome.

1. Rioting, silly violent people.
   Re-sponding's very important.
2. Rocking someone's very planet.
   Respondez s'il vous plait.

This is a French saying, meaning literally "please reply." It's what you do when someone invites you to a party. In the age of Facebook, the idea of "maybe" as a legit RSVP has entered common parlance - but many partying purists would never contemplate sending anything but a hard yes or no!

1. Hope our love lasts and never dies.
   Hottie on line, loving all nice dudes.
2. Hope our lengthy labors achieve new destiny.
   Hero of luscious lips and nice derriere.

HOLLAND was one of many salacious acronyms sent during WW2. Others included NORWICH - "(k)nickers off ready when I come home"; and EGYPT -%0D"my ardent lips await your arrival". Since telegrams charged by the word or even the character, brevity was key!