What Does Your Car Say About You?

By: Mark Lichtenstein

6 Min Quiz

Image: Shutterstock

About This Quiz

When you really think about it, all of us get judged based on the car we drive. Is there anything that shows our personality more than our cars do? They really are extensions of ourselves and who we are. When someone gets a new car, or even a used one, their first thought is usually something like, "Is this car reliable and can I afford it?" And then their next thought is often, "How cool am I going to look in this?"

We all think about what our cars say about us - if you say that you don't, we know that you are lying. Even if you have a car that doesn't stand out in any way, that says something about you too, mainly that you don't like standing out in any way. Just think about it, some cars say that their driver is desirable and sexy, others say that they like to go fast, some say that they are rich and successful, other say that the person driving it is tough and hard-working, and still others say that they like to enjoy life and have fun.

What does your car say about you? Take this quiz and find out.

Hot fat are your car's tires?

Really skinny.

They are as wide as the law allows.
They're wide, but really low profile.

They're mid-sized stock tires.

How deep are your car's tires' treads?

Not very deep

They're deep and knobby.
They're basically slicks.

They're all-season tires with average treads.

How sleek is your car?

It's sleek, yet somehow manages to be ugly.

It's as sleek as a brick.
It's sleek and low slung.

It's sleek enough, but not so much that it doesn't have the interior room it needs to be useful.

How's the rear visibility in your car?

Okay.

Not terrible.
Terrible.

Fantastic.

How's your car's mileage?

Fantastic, as long as I don't drive aggressively.

Terrible, but I'm ready for my hypothetical trip to the Rockies.
Not bad if I don't drive it the way it's meant to be driven: hard.

Decent but not amazing.

Do you have a vanity plate?

Yes: H8C02

Yes: T0PM0M
Yes: AMGFTW

No

How clean is your car?

It's filthy.

It's gleaming.
It's mostly clean, but because I hide my mess in the glove box.

It has signs of use, but it's clean and comfortable.

Is your car heavier than it looks?

Yes, it has a 500 lbs battery on board.

No, it's exactly as heavy as it looks: heavy.
No, it's really lightweight, and looks it.

It's a modern car, so it's actually lighter than it looks.

Is your car required to have any badges because of a law?

Yes, all hybrids are required to read "Hybrid" on the back so firemen don't douse them with water and die from electrocution.

Does the law require SUVs to have "AWD" written on the side? If so, then yes.
No, but I like to have my M badge so people know to get out of my way.

No, and I don't particularly like badges.

How much do ads for your car tout its off road capability?

Not much

Loads.
Not even a little. If you took my car in a gravel driveway, it could kill it.

A bit, but that's all marketing gaff.

Is the image of your car that of a performance machine?

No way.

Yes, but not on paved roads.
Yes, absolutely

Don't all cars? Mine isn't any more than any other.

Do people ever put badges from your car on their less nice cars to make them look like they'll go faster?

Hell, no.

Not faster, no.
Yes, all the time. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

No, that wouldn't make sense for my car, it's not fancy in any way.

What window sticker do you have in your car right now?

The Apple logo

A picture of my family as stick figures
"No Fear!"

None

Could you fit a dog in your car for a road trip with your family?

It'd be tight but it would work.

How many dogs? Just one? Why not three?
None. It'd be murder in there.

I could fit one without too much drama.

Do you know what the term "hypermiling" means?

Yes, it's what I do on every long road trip.

I have no idea.
It's the opposite of why I drive.

It's a silly way of saving a few bucks on gas.

Do you have any useless trim in your car that only makes it look like it goes faster?

No, but it is unnecessarily ugly, so I can feel extra smug about doing something good for the environment.

Except for its ability to go to the store and back, everything else on it is useless.
It has a useless ram air intake, useless side skirting, a pointless splitter, and a useless spoiler. It even has fake, useless Maserati portholes on the front fenders.

No.

What's your preferred highway cruising speed?

55 mph. Any faster and the mileage savings are wiped away without a real performance benefit.

85 mph. I'm in a tank and if I get into an accident, I will not die. I do not know who I'd crash into, so I don't care what happens to them.
70 mph. I'd go faster, but my car attracts too much attention from the fuzz.

It depends on the speed of the rest of the traffic. I usually do a little above the limit if alone on the road, and a little under it if it is busy.

Does your car have cruise control?

No, it's too old.

Yes, it does, and I use it all the time.
No! I am in control of the machine at all times and that's what makes me a man!

Yes, and when I'm on the road a long time, it saves my leg some strain.

Does your car have automatic stop/start?

Of course, it's a hybrid

It does, but it doesn't bother me.
It does not because that is a sin in the eyes of the car gods.

It does, and if it ever bothers me I just switch it off.

Does your car have BLS?

No, I try to limit the number of gadgets so I can squeeze as much mileage out of the battery as possible.

Yes, of course! It needs it, since driving it is like being inside a giant four-door mailbox.
No, I can get by without that, or even checking my blind spot by turning. I have psychic powers!

I have one, though I don't need it most of the time.

Does your car carry a spare wheel?

No, it needed room for the giant 500 lbs battery.

It did, but since I never need it, I left it at home so I can pack more mega-rolls of TP in the trunk.
No, I use run-flat tires which are the future! The future is looking uncomfortable though.

Of course it does.

How reliable is your car?

Mostly reliable

If I don't drive it for a while, the battery dies.
It's very touchy and stuff breaks all the time, but I just pretend it happened at the track when I go to the shop so they think I'm cool.

Its reliability is bulletproof.

What's your car's top speed?

Somewhere around 112 mph, I think.

120 mph maybe?
It's limited by its electronic nanny to only 150 mph because Germans hate fun!

Fast enough. I have no idea exactly how fast.

How banged up is your car?

It's really filthy and lived in, but I've had only one major panel dent.

It wouldn't look out of place at a concours d'elegance.
It doesn't have any major dents, except in the rear bumper. They're from parking, but I always say they're from when Lewis Hamilton tried to overtake me on a track day and failed.

It's got plenty of superficial damage, but I keep it well serviced.

What's your car's current paint scheme?

I had it repainted because of rust, but it's still a factory color, just not one from the factory that made my car.

Totally stock
I had it Plasti-Dipped in a color shift tone.

It's mostly stock, but I've had to use a little touch up here and there when rocks got kicked up from the road.

Do all the electronics on the car still work?

There are a few windows that won't open from the back seats, but that's okay by me.

Yes! All!
One of the brake lights is a little dim, but I just say it's because my car shares some underpinnings with the old Ferrari Boxer, which has the same problem.

All the important ones do, and I'm trying to get the other ones fixed.

How long does it take for your car to warm up in the winter?

Ages

A minute or two
Five minutes, tops

About two minutes

Can you usually drive in the HOV lane?

In California I can!

If I'm hauling the family around I can.
No, I'm usually alone.

No, unless I'm giving a ride to a few people.

Do you have a glove box full of unpaid tickets?

No, I pay all my tickets promptly.

No, I keep them neatly in a drawer at home.
Yes, yes I do.

No, I pay the ones I can't get out of and argue my way out of the rest.

What do you think the resale value of your car is, by percentage?

20%

70%
110%

30% if I'm lucky.

5 Minute Quiz 5 Min

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