What Kind of Boyfriend Will You Have?

By: Zoe Samuel
Estimated Completion Time
5 min
What Kind of Boyfriend Will You Have?
Image: Shutterstock

About This Quiz

Lots of factors go into whether a person finds their true love: personality, timing, willingness to settle (or not, as the case may be), desire to put oneself out there and take a risk, and most of all straight up luck. 

If you haven't found the One - or if you don't believe in such things, one of the Few - then it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, or that you won't stumble right into him later today. It simply means you haven't found them yet. Even if you're only looking for the One For Now, there are still no guarantees about when and where you'll find him.

Still, knowing what you're looking for and what's possible can certainly help you narrow down the search. For example, if you're determined to get your hands on a kind, supportive, ethical man with compassion, integrity, and a sense of humor, then you need to be seeking in the husband pool. That means you probably don't want to be hanging out in bars or on Tinder - potential husbands are commonly found at social events, through set-ups, or on serious dating sites like Match.com and Jdate. 

If you're looking for a warm body to tide you ever between more serious relationships and you don't care that much what sort of person he is, then bars and Tinder are where you need to be. If you want something more specific, then you have some finessing to do. So tell us about your habits, and we'll let you know what sort of boyfriend you'll get if you keep them up. If that's not what you're after, then you know what to do!

Would you date a man who was not your physical type?
I'd give him a chance if he was funny or nice.
Yes, if he's really hideous then he won't be able to cheat even if he wants to.
If he was really, really rich.
No
If you could only choose one quality for your boyfriend, what would he have?
Decency
He only has eyes for me.
Money
Looks
Which famous man is your fantasy boyfriend right now?
Ryan Gosling
Zach Galifianakis (he just seems so safe)
Jon Hamm
Chris Hemsworth

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How did your last relationship end?
We wanted different things and bade each other a fond farewell.
I was cheated on in an unspeakably humiliating way.
I dumped him because he was boring and also trying to marry me too fast.
I dumped him for having too low a sex drive (but I told him it was because I needed space, as you do).
What could they do during the first date that would put you right off?
Be mean to the waiter
Look at their phone
Split the bill
Smell bad
Do you care if a man sees you not looking your best?
No, he's gonna see it eventually.
Not at first, ideally
He will never see me that way.
Only if it is because we are post-coital.

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Where do you get your dating advice?
My grandparents who have been wildly in love for 70 years
My mom who married a string of emotionally abusive men
My aunt whose latest divorce settlement paid for her condo
My girlfriends and gay male friends
Which legit dating site do you use?
eHarmony.com and Match.com
Veggiedate.com and Bumble
This special invite-only one for successful people
Tinder and Ashley Madison
What important things are you looking for in a boyfriend?
Kindness, compassion, and integrity
Devotion
Glamor
Hotness

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Do you still miss your most recent ex?
I miss the snuggly parts of the relationship but in my rational mind, I know that it's the being with someone I miss, not being with that person.
So much, even though I hate that rat.
Nope, it is good that it ended.
I am so relieved to be shot of that dude.
What is your parents' or guardians' relationship status?
25 years and going strong
Mom is single, dad is remarried.
Mom is married to a nice safe guy, dad is on vacation with his secretary.
I don't know because we do not talk.
Do you have any rules about things that have to happen before you head to the bedroom with a new partner?
We have to agree to be exclusive and have a grownup conversation about getting tested and birth control.
He has to buy condoms.
He has to spend money on me.
Nope

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Do you take responsibility for your actions?
Of course
Not if they are not my fault.
Not if I can get away with avoiding it.
Mostly
Do you find yourself lurching from crisis to crisis in your life?
No, I have a job and roommates I like.
Yes, I just got evicted - again.
Kinda but I like it that way.
No, I have a studio apartment and I bet I will get a promotion in the next year.
Do you go to bars to meet people?
No, I do not go to bars for any reason.
Only when the silence is too much to bear.
Nightly, yes
Only if Tinder doesn't come through.

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Where would your dream first date be?
Mid-price Italian restaurant
Cute French bistro
High end seafood place
My apartment
Could you see yourself living with someone soon?
Sure, if I meet the right person.
I wish!
No, but if they want to loan me their holiday penthouse, I will take it.
Lord no, do you know what I went through to get my own little place just how I like it?
Do you pay for a dating site or app?
Of course, that screens out the worst people.
No, but the men on my sites do pay.
Yes, because it is so exclusive.
LOL no

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Who should pay when you go out?
Whoever invited the order, or you should split it or alternate.
Him the first time, then me
Always him
Split it
How long was your longest relationship?
Over a year
Nine months - you know, just long enough that it should've gotten serious, but didn't.
Six months
A month
How many dating apps are you on?
None
All of them, including Grindr just in case
Four
Eight

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How long have you been single?
Six months
Either forever, or like three weeks
A year
Over a year
Are you friends with any of your exes?
Yes, two
No, they are bad, bad people.
Yes, one
Nope, I avoid them.
Do you know where you want to be in ten years?
Yes
I want to be where I was a year ago.
No idea - anywhere but here.
I have half a dozen ideas.

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Are you in a stable place in your life, emotionally?
Yes, I like myself now.
I'm sorry, I can't stop crying long enough to answer this one.
No, but I am OK with that, I will settle down later.
Actually yes, I know what I want and I have stopped apologizing for it.
Who is your relationship role model?
Gertrude Stein and Alice B. Toklas
The couple in "The Notebook"
"Fifty Shades" but with better-quality consent
Samantha Jones
How much does it matter whether you like his family?
It is very important.
It is quite important.
I guess it might be preferable.
I literally do not care who they are.

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Besides bars, what is a good place to meet people?
Volunteering for a cause you care about
The park, watching the dogs at the dog run
Conferences
Everywhere!
How often do you get drunk?
I get tipsy about twice a month but never drunk.
Weekly
I get tipsy twice a week and drunk once a month.
All the time! Yay hedonism!
What's the first dealbreaker that pops into your head?
Difference of opinion on whether to have kids
He flirts.
He is not cool.
He is frigid.

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You Got: