What Vermin Does Your Ex Resemble?

Zoe Samuel

Did they bring a lot of good into your life, as well as bad?

Do you literally feel gross when you think about them now?

Were they a dirty cheater?

Were they good at setting boundaries respectfully?

Were they mean on purpose or by omission?

How hard was it to get rid of them?

If they tried to come back, what would you do?

Did anyone in your life actually like them?

What did they ruin the most?

In what way did they embarrass you?

What did you learn from the experience?

How much blame do you take on yourself for it how it all went?

How much of the blame you're taking on is actually justified, and how much is just you being too nice?

Did they respect your personal space?

Were they a fearful person?

Did they ever invite people over without asking?

How did they treat waitstaff and other people in the hospitality industry?

Do they have anyone fooled about what they are really like?

Are they a freeloader?

How manipulative were they?

Did they ever try to get away with being nasty to you by whining about how nobody else understood them like you did?

Were they smart?

Did you sometimes feel more like a parent or housekeeper than a partner to them?

Were they boring?

Did they insist on knowing where you were at all times?

Did they just vanish sometimes with no explanation?

Did you have to break up more than once?

How long were they around?

Were you ever honestly a little scared of them?

Did they ever engage in straight-up gaslighting?

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About This Quiz

Most people will experience some kind of issue with vermin in their lives. From mice infesting your crawl space to rats in the subway tunnels to termites in your wooden furniture to (God forbid) bedbugs wherever it is that you sleep, a brush with the creepiest of crawlies is all just part of the great tapestry of existence. 

We've all had to lay traps or spray poison or put out peppermint oil, or if we're feeling really decent and the critter isn't part of some enormous army here to ruin our home, we catch it in a cup and pop it in the garden. Sometimes it's futile or seems to be, but eventually, it works.

Bad relationships are pretty much the same way. Like vermin, they insinuate themselves into your life, and they will mess it right up, and you may not realize how dire things are until it's quite late in the game and the only way to fix it is drastic action. Bad boyfriends and girlfriends can munch through your self-esteem, infest your free time, suck your happiness dry, and generally trash your life. Of course, like vermin, sometimes they aren't entirely bad for you, like a spider who catches flies or a ladybug that eats aphids. That doesn't mean you want them around forever, though, and you sure as heck don't want them in your bed.

Happily, like vermin, they can be rooted out - albeit hopefully by rather more humane methods than you used on the last critter you had to handle! Take this quiz to find out which one they are most like... and may the memories of the damage they did fade like the smell of the fumigator you used.

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