What's Your Witch Familiar?

By: Zoe Samuel
Estimated Completion Time
4 min
What's Your Witch Familiar?
Image: Shutterstock

About This Quiz

Back in the day, "witch" used to be a word that people would slap on women who weren't acting the way they wanted them to, in order to get people to turn against that particular woman (indeed, a similar word is often used today for the same purpose). Sometimes the accusers were doing it to maintain control over women they thought were "uppity" and even men they found to be inconvenient. Other times they sincerely had worked themselves into a hysteria whereby they believed that witchcraft had caused their problems, and they honestly felt that they ought to attribute drought, a dead cow, or lack of success in love to Satan's earthly minions, the witches.

These days, we know how unfair and ridiculous this was. After all, today, a "witch hunt" literally means a politically motivated hunt to find enemies who don't exist or dump blame on innocent people. That's because witches aren't real! Or aren't they? We would all feel pretty darn silly if we found out that actually, the witch-hunters were right - about the existence of witches, at least, if not the specific identities of the people they burned at the stake.

Just in case they were onto something and acquiring witchy powers is possible, it's probably a good idea to know what your familiar will be. That's an animal that's real, but functions like a combination of a spirit guide and magician's assistant. What familiar you have depends on your personality, how powerful a witch you are, and the kinds of spells you would like to cast. Let's get started!

Do you study hard at witchery or mostly wing it?
Mostly wing it, it's all just fun really.
I study hard.
I studied with my parents but otherwise I wing it, you never know what cool stuff will happen.
I studied, but now I wing it because I can.

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What sort of public figure would you like to put a hex on?
Politician
Reality TV star
Pundit
Billionaire

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Do you think "Wicked" is a fair representation of witches?
Yes, Elphaba especially.
Yes, Glinda especially.
No, it made us look way cooler than we are.
No, it underestimated us.

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Are you a good witch?
Totally!
Not really.
Depends who you ask.
Define "good".

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Besides a hat, what witch clothing do you wear most often?
Long dress.
Stylish suit (I'm a modern witch).
Robes.
Jewelry.

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Do you work with other witches?
Yes, often.
Only the top ones.
I don't know any.
No.

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What social problem would you like your magic to solve?
Loneliness
Poverty
Injustice
Bullying

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Where do you brew your potions?
I buy them online.
I have a guy who does it for me.
In the yard.
In the kitchen.

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Have you ever done magic just to prove to someone that you could?
Often, yes.
Once, and they told everyone else.
Only for my boo.
No, I have nothing to prove.

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Do you have a flying broom?
Of course.
I have three.
I used to but it broke.
No, people would notice.

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Do you ever use magic for purely selfish reasons?
Never.
All the time.
Rarely.
Not unless they have very good money.

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Do you ever feel like your magic is a curse as much as a blessing?
Not really.
No.
Yes.
Once in a while.

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What witch stereotype is actually pretty accurate?
We love cats.
We really are better than normal people.
We are truly in touch with nature.
We really can be dangerous.

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Do you fear discovery?
No
Not really
Somewhat
Yes

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Do you own a pointy hat?
Yes, many.
I have a fascinator instead, it's more "now".
Just the one, my mom left it to me.
Of course not.

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Have you ever had a spell go horribly wrong?
Yes, I once grew another toe.
Yes, I once ruined my entire wardrobe.
Not horribly, but wrong, sure.
No, I am too good at this.

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From where do you cast your spells?
I rent studio space.
My lair. It used to be a study.
My garden.
The roof.

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Have you ever cast a spell on the wrong person?
Once, it was awkward.
A few times, it was hilarious.
No, there aren't that many people around here.
Not since I was a newbie.

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How much time per week do you spend doing witchcraft?
A couple of hours.
Most of the time.
Weekends, really.
Nights, mostly.

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Who taught you to do magic?
My witch friends.
My witch instructor, who my parents hired.
My parents.
I apprenticed to a powerful witch.

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Were you born a witch or did you come by your powers later?
I was blessed/cursed by a witch in middle school.
My mom's side are witches.
I'm from a long line of witches on both sides.
I am the first of my family but my parents were really supportive.

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Would you marry a non-witch?
Sure.
No, that would risk a normal baby.
I already have.
Only if they were very accepting.

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Do you have any witch relatives other than direct ancestors?
I don't, no.
No, it seems to only go through the line directly.
All my aunts and uncles.
My daughter is one, I'm so proud.

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Do you fear the crowds with pitchforks?
Nope.
A little.
Yes.
No, they fear me.

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Do you do witchcraft for money?
Once in a while.
You can't afford me, darling.
I never have.
Sure, if the money is good.

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Have you ever gone to a witch convention?
Once a year!
I host witch salons, actually.
I wish!
No thanks.

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How do you keep your witch status secret?
I'm discreet.
I only do it around the right people.
I live out in the woods.
I intimidate people into silence.

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Do you prefer organic or conventional herbs in your spells?
I want to use organic but it's too expensive.
Conventional are more powerful actually.
Organic, of course.
I honestly don't think it makes a difference.

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Who will your spells help?
Friends
Myself
Everyone
People who deserve it!

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Do you live in the city or the country?
'Burbs
City
Country
Small town

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You Got: