Which Kind of Motorcycle Should You Own?

By: Mark Lichtenstein
Estimated Completion Time
3 min
Which Kind of Motorcycle Should You Own?
Image: Shutterstock

About This Quiz

For too long, you have toiled through the desert of indecision. Which bike should I own? You have voraciously looked through motorcycle magazines, you have walked up and down the motorcycle store, kicking tires, and scratching your head. You have been stressed. But NOW, the answer is going to be revealed to you. We’re going to tell you what kind of bike you should own.

We know that you’re filled with doubt. How could we have the magic power to determine what bike is best for you? Listen, we just know. We’re professionals. Motorcycles come in many different styles, and all to impart a different feel or intent. They all have their own feel, je ne sais quoi, and unique history. Don’t you see how bikes have personalities, just as you do? Finding the right fit is important. This is the match.com of motorcycles. We’re going to hook you up.

Are you best suited to a cruiser, sport, touring, standard, dual-purpose, or dirt bike? First, we must be able to see if you, yourself, are a cruiser, sport, or touring person. Dude, we’re going to be honest with you if you’re just a dirt bike. There’s no shame in that.

So here we go, after a few simple questions, the quest will finally come to an end. You can pop over to Craigslist and buy that Confederate B120 Wraith. Heck, you should probably just do that anyway. 

What is your favorite kind of ride?
Scooters
ATVs
Cruisers
Crotch rockets

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What is your least favorite kind of ride?
Anything powerful
Road-going vehicles
Needlessly sporty vehicles
Anything slow

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Do you like mending things yourself?
Small things
I should know how to fix everything
I like modifying things
No

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Do you like to ride with a companion?
Sometimes
Never
I'll get a sidecar
My significant other

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What is cool about motorcycles?
They are convenient
They can go anywhere
They are a gorgeous piece of industrial design
They look like spaceships

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What is your personal style?
Dress casual
Rough and ready
Aggressively American
Boy racer

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What kind of clothes do you wear day to day?
Linen suits
Dress slacks and a blazer
Work clothes
I cosplay

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What would you wear for a ride?
A suit
Clothes designed to get dirty
Jeans, a cut, and a brain bowl
Racing leathers

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Where would you typically ride your new bike?
In town
Off road
Highways
Race tracks

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What is your dream vacation destination?
Italy
Patagonia
Nevada
Tokyo

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What do you like best about riding a motorcycle?
Convenience
The challenge
The noise
The speed

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What is the dream long distance bike trip you fantasize about?
Going across Rome for a magical dinner
Trekking across Africa
A cross country ride from L.A. to New Orleans
The length of I-95

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Who do you think of when you imagine someone on a bike?
George Clooney
Jason Bourne
Lorenzo Lamas
Keneda, from Akira

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Which coupe do you think is cool?
Lancia Beta
Alfa Romeo 4C
Dodge Challenger
Nissan GTR

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Which SUV is the coolest?
The Fiat 500X
Jeep Cherokee Trailhawk
Mercedes Benz GLS
Jeep Grand Cherokee SRT

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Where do you think the best bikes come from?
Italy
The shed of a mechanic
America
Asia

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Which clothes label appeals to you?
Gucci
Armani
Levi Strauss
Uniqlo

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You're away on a trip. Where do you sleep?
In a hostel
In a tent
In a motel
In my mother's house

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Are you going to Instagram the hell out of your new bike?
Of course I am!
No
I'll put up some selfies on Facebook
My dashcam footage will go straight onto YouTube

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What are you going to name your new bike?
Linda
Jaws
Mjölnir
Muramasa

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Do you plan on joining a bike club?
No
Maybe an off-roading club
Yes
Maybe

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If not a motorcycle, then what?
A Zootr
A skateboard
A horse
Rocket powered roller skates

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Who are you trying to impress?
My girlfriend
Snowboarders
Men having a midlife crisis
Japanese tweens

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Do you plan on doing stunts?
No
Yes
Maybe the occasional stunt
I want to do that side-stopping thing Keneda

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Do you like to go fast?
I like to feel like I'm going fast
I like to go fast-ish
I don't
All I care about is speed

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How important is comfort to you?
Not at all
It's of limited importance
It's of supreme importance
I don't care about it

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Do you want to look like a cop?
No
Maybe an Italian cop
Hell yeah!
Maybe a cop from a 1980s Japanese action film

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What sort of writing implement do you prefer?
A fountain pen
A Space Pen
A Rollerball
A biro

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What is your current mode of transportation?
On foot
A bicycle
An old car
A sports car

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How long have you wanted a bike?
A day or two
Since I was 21
Since I was a teenager
Since I was a little kid

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You Got: