Which Pagan God Are You?

By: Zoe Samuel
Estimated Completion Time
4 min
Which Pagan God Are You?
Image: Shutterstock

About This Quiz

Most major monotheistic religions see their god(s) as unknowable, distant creatures whose thoughts and feelings, if they can be called thoughts and feelings, are completely alien to the human race. However, the god of Abraham shows few human characteristics, despite having "created Adam in his own image."

This is not so with the pagan gods. Most cultures that produced pagan deities imbued those gods with human characteristics like spite, love, obsession, and despair. These gods, in addition to their personalities, were specialists. Some gods saw to nature, others to aspects of culture. Some gods oversaw frogs and lizards while others saw to storms and floods. Many cultures produced similar gods, but no two cultures produced gods who were exactly the same.

Our team of theologians and personality experts have devised a quiz that will delve into your psyche and draw out your most dominant characteristics. It will bring into high relief your chief concerns, skills, and interests. We will then run this data set against our immense roll of pagan gods, culled from religions current and dead, from around the world. With this combined information we will be able to say which pagan god you are. Take this quiz, and determine your divine path!

How do you buy your food?
I grow my own.
I have someone in my family do it for me.
I go to the local co-op.
I go to the supermarket and fill my SUV!
Do you plan on having kids?
Maybe. I'm busy.
Yes, absolutely.
If it's in the best interests of society.
Many! Yes! But I will always be the strongest!
How loyal are you to your hometown?
Not too loyal.
Not loyal at all.
Very loyal.
I'm not so much a hometown boy as much as I am a patriot of my state.

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How long is your fuse?
About average.
It's really long.
It's fairly long.
It's really short.
How wide is your fame?
Pretty wide.
I'm almost unknown.
I have local fame.
I'm very well known.
How neatly do you fit society's idea of what you should be?
I'm very changeable.
I don't care about that.
I fit very neatly.
I decide how I should fit in!

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How health conscious are you?
I keep healthy habits.
A bit.
Very much so.
Not very.
Are you first to volunteer to help?
If it's in my wheelhouse.
No, never.
For certain things.
Always!
Do you have any nicknames?
Quite a few.
Not even one.
I have two.
I don't need any.

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When you stand next to your family, how much do you stand out?
I don't really have any family.
I blend into the background.
I look like I belong.
I really stand out.
What kind of work do you do?
I spend a lot of time outside.
I'm retired.
I spend all day sitting around.
I'm always running around putting out fires.
How dynamic is your skill set?
I'm fairly unskilled, outside of my lane.
Not at all.
Not very. I'm a specialist.
That's its defining characteristic.

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How useful are your skills, day to day?
To a certain kind of person, very useful.
Not very useful.
Only useful to society at large.
Not at all useful.
Do you make friends easily?
If they get what I'm about, I'll be friendly.
Yes.
If they're from around here.
No, but I make enemies easily!
How respected are you, in the community?
In my community, I'm kind of a big deal.
Even my family doesn't respect me.
I'm the pillar of the community.
I'm more feared than respected.

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Are you a social climber?
Not my thing at all.
It's not worth my time.
No, since I'm already on top.
Yes, I am.
How connected are you to nature?
110%
I'm used to it.
Not at all.
Mostly I'm used to conquering, not living with it.
Do you live in anyone's shadow?
Certain people in my field who are more visible.
Yes, and he's younger than me!
Not at all.
I'm the one who casts a shadow!

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Do people ever confuse you for someone else?
Usually just me, under another name.
Often they just don't know who I am at all.
All the time.
Rarely.
What is your favorite sport?
Football.
Surfing.
Running.
Fencing.
What morning ablution could you not do without?
Brushing my teeth.
Deodorant.
Shaving.
Showering.

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What brand of luxury car are you attracted to?
Cadillac.
Volvo.
Mercedes-Benz.
McLaren.
What kind of toothbrush do you use?
A manual one with a "reach" neck.
A regular, rectangular one.
A rechargeable electric one.
A Waterpik.
What kind of comedy makes you laugh?
Prop comedy.
Observational comedy.
Improv comedy.
Slapstick.

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How many books do you read every year?
A dozen or so.
Two dozen.
A half dozen.
None. Okay? It's the truth!
How often do you go to the movies?
I never go.
A couple times a year.
At least once a month.
Once a week!
What kind of TV shows do you watch?
Nature documentaries.
Historical fiction.
Political talk shows.
Prime time shows.

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How close are you to your family?
Not at all close.
Close, but I feel like they don't want me around.
I live not far from them.
I spend a lot of time with them at work.
What amateur sport do you play yourself?
Golf.
Pool.
Bowling.
Softball.
How religious are you?
I'm more "spiritual" than religious.
I've given up on that.
Fairly religious. It keeps society together!
I go for the high holidays.

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